The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
