Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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