can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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