Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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