If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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