remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
