dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
