i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
