so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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