I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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