I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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