...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
