The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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