please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
