I got chris browned last night
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I want to fling myself into the sun
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
