3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
