Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
