My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
