i need an iv and a liver transplant
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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