Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
