my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
we're so committed to being not committed
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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