So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
as a side note pls kill me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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