I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's never too late to be topless.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
