We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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