I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
