Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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