i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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