careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
