wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
