found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
