My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
