I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
