I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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