i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
