they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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