In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
