I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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