...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
