don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
