he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We are all done wearing pants today
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
