I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
