honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
