Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
