So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
