Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i think im in europe. pls send help
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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