Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
