hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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