she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
