Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
did i just pee glitter
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
