the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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