I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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