He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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