I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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