fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
