Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
