I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
