If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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